The Value of an Exhale

Death is never an easy situation for me to overcome. My mind begins  hyperextending from the myriad emotions of denial, numbness, empathy, confusion, surprisingly gratefulness, and the list continues.
This past encounter with the death of my grandfather taught me so much about myself and my family. You never know what you take for granted until it is no longer available to you. I never valued voicemails so much until that was the only opportunity I had to listen to a loved one's voice. I never valued watching someone inhale and exhale until I watched as breath exited my grandfather's lifeless body for the final time.
This experience has been bitter sweet. I will miss my grandfather tremendously, but I am aware that he is no longer in pain and is cancer free.
On the contrary,  I'm so grateful for my family and the spiritual strength that I have gained through this process. I have never felt God's presence so much in my lifetime.
He is truly a comforter and peace in the storm. I recognized the transition of my prayer venture from "Lord, don't take my grandfather, I promised him everything would be ok , I have been faithful to you" and I could easily see myself developing anger at God if that was to happen. My prayer then became "God, Your will not mine, give my family strength to endure whatever it is that you have planned and please grant us peace during the process".
Wow! I am flabbergasted at how quickly and accurately those prayers were answered.
Although at times I found myself getting rapped up in the support or lack thereof of others during such a traumatic time in my life, I realized it was God reassuring me that He is my strength and although he has placed people in my life to help me along the way, he never intended them to be my "go-to" or savior.
With that being said, be thankful in everything . Take nothing for granted. Although death is apart of life, focus on the positives and realize God makes no mistakes. His plan is far greater than ours and his thoughts supersede ours even when it doesn't make sense.

Trust God when you can't trace Him and know that when you only saw one set of footprints in the sand, He is carrying you.

This too shall pass. Don't get so caught up on the destination that you don't enjoy the journey.
Embrace your emotions. Be grateful for everything. Remember the memories obtained. Take nothing for granted. Appreciate everything and remember "Thy will not mine". 


Sensai 

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