"Yesterday, I Met the Truth"



 


Taking time to reflect has been incredibly valuable. Being in a healthy relationship has filled me with hope and excitement for what’s ahead. It’s prompted me to pause and gather my thoughts here’s what’s been on my heart…



Yesterday,

I met the truth 
and she was soft,
but unrelenting.

She said,
“No…
you’re not quite ready for marriage again.”

And I didn’t flinch.
Because she wasn’t judging 
she was freeing me.

Freeing me to admit what I need,
without apology.
To stand on things I’ve spoken out loud and things I have whispered in private.

I need to feel safe enough…
to feel.
To break without being broken.
To cry and not be labeled “too much.”
To speak and not be muted by ego or pride.

I need space 
space to be human,
to be messy,
to heal the parts of me
no one ever saw bleeding.
I need to heal the wounds I’ve carried,
the ones I tucked behind strength and silence,
the ones I dressed in “I’m fine”
so no one would worry.

I need to feel loved 
not tolerated,
not managed 
but embraced,
pursued,
understood.

I need to feel loved,
not just in words,
but in ways that resonate with my soul.

I need to be seen in my silence,
heard in my hesitation,
known in my nuance.

I need to be heard 
even when I’m quiet.

I need to be free to take up space 
to laugh loudly,
to weep without shame,
to say, “I’m wrong,”
and still be held.

I need to know I’m not disposable 
that I’m not an option,
a placeholder,
or a project.

I am a person 
worthy of effort,
in my love language,
on regular days,
in private spaces,
where no one is watching but God.

I need to see effort in the language my heart speaks 
not perfection,
but intention.

I need to feel like impressing me
matters more than impressing the world.

I need the freedom to be myself 
unfiltered,
imperfect,
and real.

I need to be prayed for 
not just praised.
Led 
not controlled.
Covered 
not silenced.

I need to pour into myself
with the same care I give so freely to others.

I need love that is simple 
but never lazy.
Present 
not performative.
Safe 
not suffocating.

I need to feel that when love is right,
it doesn’t ask me to shrink.
It expands me.
It feels like home 
not a performance.

So no,
I’m not ready.

But I’m aware.
And that,
my love,
is a beautiful beginning.

I owe me.




Reminder Letter to myself… 



Dear Future Me,

If you’re reading this, you’ve survived what you once thought would break you.
You’ve rebuilt not just your life,
but your relationship with yourself.

Please, don’t forget the lessons that came through the pain.
Don’t forget the strength it took to walk away from a love that lacked love.
Don’t forget the nights you cried in silence,
because you were seen but not cherished,
present but not protected.

You left because you finally knew:
being married and feeling alone is not better than being whole and healing.

You stopped tolerating
the bare minimum.
The absence of affection.
The excuses, the gaslighting,
the constant need to earn what should’ve been given freely.

You chose yourself 
not because it was easy,
but because it was necessary.

You learned that love should never require shrinking.
That forgiveness doesn’t mean staying.
That peace is more precious than appearances.

Now, as you move forward  whether you’re alone, dating, or married again 
promise me this:

Don’t settle.
Not even a little.

You deserve love that feels like truth,
not confusion.
Effort that feels like presence,
not performance.
A partner who sees you,
values you,
and protects your softness like it’s sacred.

You are not hard to love.
You just needed someone who actually knows how.

So if love knocks again 
check if it brings peace.
Check if it speaks in your language.
Check if it’s consistent, not just convincing.

And if it’s not 
you already know what to do.
Because you’ve done it before.

With pride,
With clarity,
With deep, fierce love 


Sensai


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