The Battle in My Mind

As cliche as it might sound, it is important that you take time out to smell the roses. Sometimes we get so tangled up in the twists and turns in life that we neglect to simply enjoy life. I am guilty of constraining myself to self inflicted pressure to maintain a certain schedule or make sure everything is in order. This year I made up in my mind that I would not be all work no play. My trip to the Bahamas reiterated the need to just enjoy my singleness and reward myself for all of my hard work. As I lay on the beach, listening the waves crash amongst the sand, I could honestly say I was at peace. No responsibilities, no deadlines, no schedule, no checking in, no cares , no worries, no pressure, no negativity .... Mere peace. As the sun glistened on the beautiful water, I began to self reflect. Life is a beautiful thing. Embrace it . Live in the moment. Take pictures. Make memories. Travel . Let your hair down. Nothing in life is that serious, unless you make it.   Avoid going throug

I often discuss my efforts to maximize "my dash" (between my birthdate and death date), however I'd like to delve into something extremely sensitive and often avoided .... When tomorrow starts without me, you may have an abundance of questions but know that God makes no mistakes. Although I pray that I have a lot of life left in me, there are certain details I want to be clear on... When life continues without me please try not to cry... I know I'm going to heaven so rest assured about my salvation . •Don't come to my funeral wearing black . I want all white with yellow, pink, or bright colors of some sort to accent. •I will be cremated so you all aren't constantly remembering me from your visualization in the casket. There's just something about people walking and staring at my lifeless body that makes me uncomfortable. Have several pictures of me on display! Make sure I look cute in all of them ;). • Please be on time to my home going celebration,  

Papa,  As I reminisce on our many years together I can't help but smile. I have no doubt in my mind that you're watching over us now. I know you think I'm a mess but there's a few things that I must reassure you. I know you like pictures so I'll make sure I send pictures of COLE to heaven on BOTH phones... I can already hear you telling me you don't know how to view the picture. Lol, just click the home button, camera, and view photos. Don't worry, I'll keep you updated on Wheel of Fortune, the Spurs or "Spuuus" as you call them and them Cowboys.  If I even get an idea that school is too much for me I'll remind myself of how proud you were of me and how many times you said "you are smaaaart " lol. "That guh is a WIZZZ".   Chuuuuck, (you know I only called you that when I had to monitor your sweet intake) I quickly learned that I had to cut you a piece of pie or cake because I realized when I told you you could have a lit

About a month to date, give or take an hour, I am in a similar situation where I am awaken by the startling reality of death. To many, you may not understand what this feels like, others may think it's funny and joke about it, but as for me this has been very challenging . Anyone who knows me knows that my family means the world to me.  This includes my four legged child  Rex. This morning around 3 o'clock I had the harsh reality of viewing his lifeless body. You never know how much a pet can impact your life . Prior to getting Rex on my 11th birthday, I couldn't understand how people let their dogs live in their house. Once I was introduced to Rex, I couldn't understand how individuals let their dogs live outside. Rex was no ordinary dog. He communicated without saying words, he was very protective, showed unconditional love, had a way of making you feel guilty about eating your own food, etc. He was dressed to impress for any occasion and had pairs of shoes to match.

Death is never an easy situation for me to overcome. My mind begins  hyperextending from the myriad emotions of denial, numbness, empathy, confusion, surprisingly gratefulness, and the list continues. This past encounter with the death of my grandfather taught me so much about myself and my family. You never know what you take for granted until it is no longer available to you. I never valued voicemails so much until that was the only opportunity I had to listen to a loved one's voice. I never valued watching someone inhale and exhale until I watched as breath exited my grandfather's lifeless body for the final time. This experience has been bitter sweet. I will miss my grandfather tremendously, but I am aware that he is no longer in pain and is cancer free. On the contrary,  I'm so grateful for my family and the spiritual strength that I have gained through this process. I have never felt God's presence so much in my lifetime. He is truly a comforter and peace in the

I  condemn myself when this question surfaces my thoughts and I'd contemplate God's existence . Is He really real? Is God's way of speaking to me just my conscious thoughts? Why does it then seem good things happen to bad people? Doesn't God's word promise that those who follow him will blessed in the city and the field ?  If you've ever doubted God then you're right where you're supposed to be at this appointed moment. I too am guilty .  Disclaimer : I don't claim to be perfect but I do try to align my life with God's word and I do expect favor and blessings. One of my "live by" spoiled expectancies is that I don't ask for much so I believe I should get whatever I ask for because my requests are few and far between.  Many people only question God's existence when it appears He  is saying "no" or doesn't grant you something that you've been praying for (I.e. that job, raise, health report, increase, etc.). We m