The Battle in My Mind

When counseling or advising others I usually say something that Ends up preaching to myself. Recently I stated "you can't give everyone husband perks" meaning that there are certain factors that only your spouse deserves. Inadvertently I needed to hear it for myself. Too often when I'm interested in someone I solely focus on that one person with this ignorance of confirmation that we are exclusively getting to know each other. I'm not speaking sexually either... Just communication on a regular to figure out if the individual is compatible and adds more that they take away. I said all that to say this, loyalty is only expected when in a relationship or marriage so why is it that when I'm communicating with Someone on the regular, that I feel it should be honored and reciprocated? Mind boggling, I know.. Getting so caught up in the words that I hear that I neglect to pay attention to the words unsaid, the action. I pride myself on reciprocation so I always "

Got your hopes up for something? Got let down? Well YOU, my friend, are not alone... It sucks like a vacuum doesn't it ?... The anxious anticipation of the plan strikes several emotions and one cannot wait for the plan to fall into its prospective place... Just to your demise, it's an epic fail: someone doesn't show up, no one answers the phone, etc. The plan is ruined...  Often times we expect what we would be willing to do for others... This is one of the quickest ways to get let down. Everyone doesn't think like you, therefore expecting them to react or respond as you would is a failure from the mere thought.   In retrospect of my many disappointments I've developed my own recipe to produce a delicious amount of happiness... Preheat your self expectations of how you will carry yourself, what you want out of life, how you will treat people, and whom you want to grow to be. Mix 100% expectations on God to do just what He said he would do.  Trust that He has a pur

Mighty man of valor,   I anxiously, yet patiently anticipate your arrival in my life. My envision for us supersedes my conscious ability to articulate with accurate precision. As I await and prepare for our connection, there are some things I would like you to know...  Timing is everything.... Our first level of commitment is to God. We owe him a return on his investment . Then our commitment to each other. Our connectivity will be a phenomenal asset to our commitment.  Future husband, I want you to thoroughly comprehend the immense difficulty of watching everyone else appear to be happily in love, meanwhile I constantly get approached by .... Well let's just say, "developing" men. (Yeah, developing men... That was a nice way to put it.) perhaps "poor timing " or "premature males ". Who knows... My conscious decision at age 14 to make better and intentional choices of being a lady with attempts to keep my sanctuary essential were so th

The most consistent concept in life is change. One of the most evident and inevitable changes comes from the seasons. Let me attempt to Spring into this blog and with hopes that you Fall right in. I hyperextended my mind trying to make sense of how our lives closely correlate with the seasons. Throughout the different seasons seeds are planted, plants grow, plants become dormant, and the cycle continues. Similarly the weather changes and our lives change. Looking back over the years on the people that were in your life that did not make it to 2014. I am not only speaking of the deceased but also the people that were once connected to you in some capacity and how they are no longer in your life. They may have been in your life for a season.  By definition, Season relates to "particular weather patterns and daylight hours, resulting from the earth's changing position with regard to the sun".   In a similar context of the seasons of our life where we are either in th

When you do something with a purpose in mind it usually makes your dedication and motivation meaningful. When there's a reason why you're doing whatever it is that you are doing, there is a sense of self inflicted pressure that increases your desire to be successful. With the different adventures and avenues I explore in my life I am often questioned "how" I do what I do or "how" I find motivation for it. I can summarize my answer in one statement: "all that I am is because of Thee (God), all that I am not is because of me". Because people that know me know the importance of Christianity in my life, I have realized what they are really asking me is "why" do you do what you do? Why is the desire and drive so strong?  Translation: what is the reasoning behind why you're doing what you do... Well, I'm glad you asked. Although I don't necessarily have to provide this disclaimer, allow me to, for the sake of courtesy.  ⚠️DIS

Usually when you hear "watch your mouth" it's used in a context that refers to that of vulgar language. It is important to remember you can never take words back even with extreme efforts to recant statements. Never let anyone get you so angry that you speak words that you may not mean when you calm down ( we can deal with anger in another blog). I agree with the aforementioned concept, however  in this particular blog, I want to take approach it from a different perspective. In this world, one of the most valuable things one possesses is their WORDS . It sounds so cliche hearing " word is bond " but if your word is unreliable what purpose do you serve in my life to even listen to you. Considering every word spoken seems to be a babble of fictitious foolishness creating contractions in my brain.  Let's keep it simple. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you are incapable or incompetent of carrying it out, just don't make false promi

Have you ever thought about why you were put on this earth? Like what exactly you were supposed to carry out before your time is over on this side? Are your talents and gifts connected to that purpose? Do you have multiple purposes? I cannot tell you exactly what your purpose in life is but I can help you figure it out by asking you what bothers you and doesn't usually phase people around you? No, no , no I am not talking about obnoxious smacking, people sliding their feet on the ground or loud breathing. I mean a serious issue in the world that bothers you and you desire to fix. Your purpose is connected to that. It takes everyone to run this world so it's important that you play your part. You were created with a purpose for a purpose. "As you mature so will it, you just have to find IT"! Sensai #purpose #life #talents #gifts #blog

Inspired by Dr. Charles Stanley Making decisions in our life: direction without doubt  Psalm 25:12 CLEAR THE PATHWAY- clear your heart of any known sin or disobedience whether its an attitude or action: get rid of it  Clean heart =clear mind Sin is to the mind what fog does to the brain : fog covers highway and you can't see 20 feet in front of you. Look at your life and ask "what is it in my life that doesn't fit who I am that will hinder me from God giving me clear direction. " 1. Deal with sin 2. Bring your desires to a point of neutrality . Acknowledge what you want but if that's not what God wants You'll do what he says .  Submit your will and let him bring you to a point of being neutrality . You may not like it but Be willing to do his will. "Above everything else, Lord, I want what you want"  EXERCISE PATIENCE- when you have a certain urge to make a decision , back off. ask "does this look , sound like God? Does this

I love God. I am not perfect. But I am trying. I am wise beyond years, so I’ve been told. I don’t act like people my age. I will never be satisfied with my body. I am not rich in money, but rich in love. I sometimes say things I wish I wouldn’t have. I def think my mind needs to slow down. I am not perfect. But I am trying. I don’t really care for recognition. My feet are small. Ive accomplished a lot but feel like I should've accomplished more. I’m coming out of my comfort zone. No kids. I sometimes want people to get what they deserve [ although I shouldn’t]. I only want to be ME. I am not perfect. But I am trying. I wish I could sing well [don’t want to be a singer tho]. I need to work on my patience (major flaw). I am very random and when something comes to mind I have to say it or I'll forget it. I love music. I do a lot behind the scenes, no pats on the back needed. Some little things aggravate me. Smacking. Sloppy eaters. Et

Forgiveness Dealing with forgiveness may be one of the most difficult challenges in life one can experience. It seems absolutely illogical to forgive someone who has stabbed you in the back, deceived you, hurt your family member, etc. "Turn the other cheek" you say. Yea it's biblical but not the easiest thing to do. Because I have experienced many encounters of dealing with forgiveness, allow me to speak from my own truth. It's completely human for you to want to seek revenge or wish evil on someone but I have learned revenge is a revolving door, therefore seeking revenge is inflicting self harm in a way. You see, thinking about ways to seek revenge drains a lot of your energy and is completely pointless. We say "but how is it fair for someone to harm me and I am just supposed to let it go". That doesn't make sense. Well let's get this straight. Life is not fair. Things will not always make sense. Guess what favor isn't fair either. But it i

My dearly beloved parents, I fracture my mind trying to find ways to ever repay y'all for everything you've been to me and done for me. Because I have yet to be clever or creative enough to come up with a process of reciprocation it stresses me out. I know you all don't expect anything materialistic but even then I don't know what I could purchase that would show my appreciation. I realize I will be forever indebted to y'all. All of the life's lessons you taught me, encouragement, support and even discipline has instilled morals and values in me that I wouldn't have otherwise. Because all the money in the world could never repay you I decided to show you how much you mean to me via written expression.  Daddy, Remember the broken shoulder after you told me not to run back and forth across the street going to the trampoline when I was in 8th grade? Or the whooping after I moved the car up on Shreck when you went in the back yard and told me not to? Wh

The battle in my mind.... I want to do wrong but good is always present . You don't understand the conviction and anointing I'm facing. See as bad as I desire certain things and as rewarding as they seem in the moment, I just can't seem to forget about how much I will lose if I am not disciplined. I'm aware that not too many people know what this feels like but let me attempt to paint my words metaphorically so you can get a glimpse of my reality. In psychological terminology, picture your father having reinforcement for listening to his commands and with each correct movement he is anxiously anticipating opening his hands to deliver what's already ordained for you. However refusal to use the correct prompt or pull the correct lever may result in getting shocked and eventually having to start back over.           See I am aware that God is a forgiving God but I am not willing to continue restarting for my conscious decisions. I know I make mistakes but I don't