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Reflections on questions I don’t fully or always know how to answer…

I’m a therapist. I’m also the strong friend. And I’m an introvert. Which means I spend most of my life holding space for others. Listening carefully, asking thoughtful questions, noticing what’s left unsaid, and helping people untangle emotions they’ve been carrying quietly for years. What most people don’t realize is that when you live in that role long enough, something subtle happens. You forget how to answer the question, “How are you?” Not because you don’t have feelings, but because you’re so used to no one asking. As the strong friend, you become the safe place. As the therapist, you become the container. As the introvert, you become accustomed to processing internally instead of externally. So when someone genuinely pauses and asks how I am, really asks, I sometimes freeze. My mind scans for a socially acceptable, low-maintenance response. I downplay. I summarize. I deflect with humor. I say, “I’m fine” or “I’m good, just busy,” even when there’s an entire novel living inside m...
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The Process and the Processor

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As I watched Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts’ sermon from this weekend, the word PROCESS resonated in my spirit. I started a deep dive in all the various facets the word PROCESS is used and how important and relevant each version is in particular for me! Here’s what came to mind…. The Beauty of the Process : God, My Process or God, when I sit and bask in Your grace and mercy, my heart and even my nervous system are overwhelmed in the best way. God, You’ve been behind the scenes the entire time, whispering, “Trust Me, it will be greater later.” Honestly, I can’t believe my life right now. I’m so grateful. If someone had told me five years ago what I would have to go through to get here, I don’t think I would have been able to process it. But now I see it clearly. The process was necessary. Understanding the Process The word  process  has such a deep meaning. In life, in psychology, and in faith, a process isn’t just a series of events. It’s a transformation. In the general sens...
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Hello 37– Harvest Time

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This time it’s personal… This year, as I turn 37, I feel something shifting deep within me. It’s more than another birthday; it’s a spiritual milestone. The number 37 carries profound meaning. In biblical symbolism, it represents completion and perfection intertwined with purpose. It quietly whispers,  “ It’s time to reap .”  Not just the physical blessings, but the harvest that comes after seasons of endurance, lessons, tears, and faith. For years, I’ve been sowing seeds, some in pain, some in prayer, and some in patience. I’ve learned that growth isn’t always loud or visible. Sometimes, it’s what happens in silence, in the spaces where you choose peace instead of proving a point, or boundaries instead of burnout. Turning 37 feels like standing at the edge of a new chapter where God is saying,  “Now, watch what I can do with all you’ve been through.” This year will be  personal . It’s not about proving anything to anyone; it’s about walking in everything God has pro...
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The Power of Gratitude

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Choosing Perspective in Every Season Life has a way of pulling our focus in different directions. Some days it’s easy to see the blessings all around us; other days, negativity feels louder and heavier than anything else. This is where  gratitude  comes in, not as denial of reality, but as a deliberate choice of perspective. Gratitude is not pretending life is perfect. It’s not disassociating from hard times or ignoring struggles. Instead, it’s the practice of choosing to see the good  alongside  the challenges. It’s looking for the light even when shadows are present. Remembering What God Has Done One of the most powerful ways to stay rooted in gratitude is to  look back  and remember what God has already done in your life. Think about the prayers that were once on your heart that have now been answered. Think about the moments you didn’t think you’d make it through, yet here you are. Gratitude grows when we pause and reflect on God’s faithfulness in the p...
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Breadcrumbing

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In healthy relationships, love is meant to feel abundant, mutual, and nourishing. But for many, the reality looks different, one partner giving their all while the other offers just enough to keep things going, but never enough to truly satisfy. This pattern is often called  breadcrumbing , and it leaves the person on the receiving end feeling emotionally deprived, unseen, and unfulfilled. What is Breadcrumbing? Breadcrumbing happens when one partner gives small, inconsistent signs of attention, affection, or commitment, but never follows through with genuine depth. It’s like being handed crumbs when what you truly need is a full meal. It might look like: Occasional compliments but no consistent appreciation. Moments of intimacy followed by long stretches of distance. Just enough communication to prevent disconnection, but never enough to feel secure. Promises of “someday” without real action to build a future. On the surface, these small gestures may feel like hope, but over time ...
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Expectations, Rules, and Assumptions: Rewriting the Unspoken Scripts in Our Heads

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We all carry them,  expectations, rules, and assumptions . Some of them were handed to us in childhood, others shaped by culture, relationships, or personal experiences. They form invisible scripts that tell us how life  should  go, how others  should  treat us, and how we  should  behave. On one hand, these mental rules can give us structure and guidance. On the other, they can become rigid, harsh, and unrealistic, causing disappointment, frustration, and even shame when life doesn’t measure up. Think about it: “If they loved me, they would know what I need without me asking.” “I should always keep it together, no matter what.” “Good partners never argue.” “I can’t rest until everything is perfect.” These unspoken rules don’t just affect us—they shape how we view others, how we communicate, and how we show up in relationships. Why Expectations Become a Trap The problem isn’t that we have expectations; it’s that we often: Hold others to rules they don’...
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Dormant

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I admire those of you who live without constantly turning inward, who move through life without the weight of reflection. For me, self-examination has always been part of my process. It isn’t weakness, it’s awareness. It helps me see where I need to grow, where I need to take accountability, and where I need to stand stronger. What I’m learning, though, is how to take responsibility without carrying unnecessary guilt or shame. Growth does not require self-punishment. In relationships, this becomes especially clear. When I stop caring as much, I feel safer. My emotions regulate. I don’t overreact, and sometimes I don’t respond at all. That distance protects me, but it also has a downside. The less I care, the more numb I become. I stop investing, stop leaning in. What feels like calm for me can easily become disconnection with others. And here’s the truth: if it isn’t safe for me to be fully myself in a relationship, then you won’t get all of me. Parts of me will remain dormant. That’s ...
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