The Battle in My Mind

  [For the most part] Society tends to have some sort of empathy when one is affected with tragedy of unfortunate circumstances. The constant urge to keep up with the news to see how one’s city is coping or recovering from a natural disaster gets the mere feeling of “that’s so sad” yet the world continues on because it doesn’t pertain to them. Wild fires, hurricanes, malnutrition, orphanage, cancer, death, murders, and the list goes on. From a far, we can all feel the pain and can’t imagine how people are feeling but seeing things for yourself puts a different spin on it. With that said, a personal experience changes your entire outlook. I must admit when Katrina hit, I watched the news and just felt so sorry for the people. I checked on my friends that lived in the area and once I knew they were okay, I was okay. But what about the masses that lost everything. Why was I okay because no one I knew personally had been destroyed? Again, it didn’t pertain to me. It became a fictional...

I often discuss my efforts to maximize "my dash" (between my birthdate and death date), however I'd like to delve into something extremely sensitive and often avoided .... When tomorrow starts without me, you may have an abundance of questions but know that God makes no mistakes. Although I pray that I have a lot of life left in me, there are certain details I want to be clear on... When life continues without me please try not to cry... I know I'm going to heaven so rest assured about my salvation . •Don't come to my funeral wearing black . I want all white with yellow, pink, or bright colors of some sort to accent. •I will be cremated so you all aren't constantly remembering me from your visualization in the casket. There's just something about people walking and staring at my lifeless body that makes me uncomfortable. Have several pictures of me on display! Make sure I look cute in all of them ;). • Please be on time to my home going celebration,  ...

Death is never an easy situation for me to overcome. My mind begins  hyperextending from the myriad emotions of denial, numbness, empathy, confusion, surprisingly gratefulness, and the list continues. This past encounter with the death of my grandfather taught me so much about myself and my family. You never know what you take for granted until it is no longer available to you. I never valued voicemails so much until that was the only opportunity I had to listen to a loved one's voice. I never valued watching someone inhale and exhale until I watched as breath exited my grandfather's lifeless body for the final time. This experience has been bitter sweet. I will miss my grandfather tremendously, but I am aware that he is no longer in pain and is cancer free. On the contrary,  I'm so grateful for my family and the spiritual strength that I have gained through this process. I have never felt God's presence so much in my lifetime. He is truly a comforter and peace in the...